Middle Name Meme -- from Jadey

I saw this on Jadey's blog.

1. You have to post the rules before you give your answers.

2. You must list one fact about yourself beginning with each letter of your middle name. (If you don't have a middle name, use your maiden name or your mother's maiden name).

3. At the end of your blog post, you need to tag one person for each letter of your middle name.

R - Really cool! Haha - yes I am!!!

E - Energetic -- well, most of the time

N - Needs clients for new Travel Agency (read post below for details)

E - Everybody loves me!

E - Exercises every day at the gym


Okay, so I'm not going to tag anyone, but if you want to do it, go ahead!

Wow, I've been gone a while!!!!

I didn't realize that it had been so long since I posted anything. My friend Jadey sent me a comment that was delivered to my email and that's what prompted me to check out my blog and I saw that it's been nearly two months since I posted anything.

Well, things have been insanely crazy lately. My grandmother passed away right before Christmas and things just haven't been right ever since then. Not only has my family been grieving the loss, but we're also dealing with my greedy mother cheating us (my sister and brother and I) out of our inheritance and other things....long story that I don't want to get too much into.

I went to court the beginning of this month and got my visitation reestablished with my daughter....unfortunately, I'm still waiting on the official court order.

My son is growing like a weed and is getting so smart. It's amazing watching him grow and learn new things every day. He can now say "hi" and "bye-bye" and knows what they mean. He's also managed to say his version of Bella and Frankie (our dogs) and they know when he's talking to them. It's too cute!!

Speaking of the dogs, Frankie is a new addition to our family. We got him around my birthday (January 19). He's a full-blooded Bassett Hound. Bella is a Beagle. They have the exact same coloring. They get alone well for the most part -- Frankie likes to try to steal Bella's food and she let's him know who's boss! They are both great with my son though.

My husband started a new job a little over a month ago on drilling oil wells. He works a week out of town and then is off a week. It was really hard at first, but I'm getting used to it. The weeks he's gone seem to go by pretty fast so far -- but that's probably because I've been so busy. He comes home tomorrow night and I can't wait!!!!

Oh and probably one of the biggest changes is that I'm starting my own business. I've been sort of looking into online business opportunities for a while now. Most are scams and the ones that aren't scams, aren't really anything that I want to do. It seems like nearly everything out there is network marketing.....and from my experience, you end up spending more time recruiting new members than actually selling a product. I don't like that. Anyway, I've found something that I think I will really enjoy and that I will be good at. I'm starting a home-based travel agency. And it's not one of those you see advertised everywhere. I really did my homework and found a legitimate host agency that has lots of experience and is a member of NACTA (National Association of Commissioned Travel Agents). I contacted some of the agents working for this company (and there is no commission on getting referrals!) and they all had wonderful things to say. I'm still learning a lot, but have gone through training for about 2 weeks now. I'm ready to start booking!!!! Woo hoo! It's so exciting. I have a website where people can book their own travel (www.distantdestinations.joystar.com) or you can contact me by email (sophia@distantdestinations.tk) for more information. I'm working on getting an 800 number as well as some business cards. I've got some really great deals to offer, so if you're interested, please let me know!!!

Well, that's pretty much it for now. I miss all you guys, so hit me up if you wanna chat!!!! Laters!!!

Something to make you smile....

How to tell if a Catholic is driving too fast

Why it's best to marry in church

Why, Why, Why

do we press harder on a remote control when we know the batteries are getting dead?

Why do banks charge a fee on "insufficient funds" when they know there is not enough money?

Why does someone believe you when you say there are four billion stars, but check when you say the paint is wet? Why doesn't glue stick to the bottle?

Why do they use sterilized needles for death by lethal injection?

Why doesn't Tarzan have a beard?

Why does Superman stop bullets with his chest, but ducks when you throw a revolver at him?

Why do Kamikaze pilots wear helmets?

Whose idea was it to put an "S" in the word "Lisp"?

If people evolved from apes, why are there still apes?

Why is it that no matter what color bubble bath you use the bubbles are always white?

Is there ever a day that mattresses are not on sale?

Why do people constantly return to the refrigerator with hopes that something new to eat will have materialized?

Why do people keep running over a string a dozen times with their vacuumcleaner, then reach down, pick it up, examine it, then put it down to give the vacuum one more chance?

Why is it that no plastic bag will open from the end on your first try?

How do those dead bugs get into those enclosed light fixtures?

When we are in the supermarket and someone rams our ankle with a shopping cart then apologizes for doing so, why do we say, "It's all right?" Well, it isn't all right, so why don't we say, "That hurt, you stupid idiot?"

Why is it that whenever you attempt to catch something that's falling off the table you always manage to knock something else over?

In winter why do we try to keep the house as warm as it was in summer when we complained about the heat?

How come you never hear father-in-law jokes?

And my FAVORITE......

The statistics on sanity are that one out of every four persons is suffering from some sort of mental illness. Think of your three best friends -- if they're okay, then it's you.

Friday Flash 55 - A trip to Home Depot...

Mary saw a teapot and asked the manager "How much?"
"$300." "Wow!" Mary exclaimed.
She described the hinge that Charlie had sent her for.
He went to get it and asked, "You wanna screw for that hinge?"
"No, but I will for the teapot."
And that’s why you can't send a woman to Home Depot.


Check this out to learn more about Friday Flash 55.

Wordless Wednesday...Snow Humor!!

To check out more Wordless Wednesday bloggers click here!

Dear Holiday Shoppers...

Hi there. Aren't you just precious in your knit cap, Starbucks in hand, ready to take on the world one purchase at a time. But before you do, hyped-up holiday consumer, a few things that you may want to consider.....

1- Unless you are a recent immigrant, or you are standing in a dorm shower, these are not o.k.:

2- Contrary to the Bath and Body Works marketing machine, a girl really CAN have too many bath gels, soaps, lotions and body sprays. I have a closet full of them. I have enough of this stuff to hide the stench of the body that I also have stuffed into the aforementioned closet. When you buy a woman an array of bath and body products you are sending the following messages:
a- I don't know your middle name
b- your standard of personal hygiene is sub-par at best, but possibly criminal.
c- if you are a man buying this for a woman you are sending the message: i've never seen you naked, and never hope to
d- you're getting this gift only because you gave me one
e- REGIFT!

3- If you buy your daughter a Bratz doll for Christmas, might I suggest a pole for her birthday? Bratz dolls are a gateway purchase to penicillin. I'm just saying......

Also, if you are pushing a stroller and you cannot navigate the aisles of a store, it means that you are too old to be shopping there. Just move on, there's a Banana Republic near the food court.

Anything that can be purchased at a kiosk will be re-gifted. An aromatherapy pillow that you can microwave and apply to the shoulders? Really, people? The only exception to this rule is Hickory Farms. Everyone loves sausage. Even Hindus would risk it all if they only knew....if they only knew.....

Lingerie is not a gift for a woman, it is a gift for a man. Here are a few of Victoria's Secrets too, always purchase a size medium. If he gets her a size L or XL, then he is sending the message that he thinks she's fat. If he gets her a small, he's telling her she needs to lose weight.

Well, my festive little friends, go forth and plunder the local shopping mall in haste. Just remember, if you don't spend enough on your friends and family, they won't love you anymore and a little sugar plum fairy will fall down dead.

Happy Holidays!

Online Shopping to make money!!!

This is a really cool site. I'm absolutely addicted to online shopping, and here is a way to actually make money while doing it!!! You don't have to sell anything and it's 100% free to join. Please check it out. You won't hurt my feelings if you're not interested!

Wordless Wednesday....Ho Ho Ho!

I GOT FIRED!!!!

For the last departmental picnic: Management decided that due to liability issues, we could have alcohol, but only one (1) drink per person.

I was fired for ordering the cups.

The Stella Awards!!!

It's time again for the annual "Stella Awards"! For those unfamiliar with these awards, they are named after 81-year-old Stella Liebeck who spilled hot coffee on herself and successfully sued the McDonald's in New Mexico where she purchased the coffee. You remember, she took the lid off the coffee and put it between her knees while she was driving. Who would ever think one could get burned doing that, right? That's right; these are awards for the most outlandish lawsuits and verdictsin the U.S. You know, the kinds of cases that make you scratch your head. So keep your head scratcher handy. These are also the people that vote in this country!

Here are the Stella's for the past year:

7TH PLACE:Kathleen Robertson of Austin, Texas was awarded $80,000 by a jury of her peers after breaking her ankle tripping over a toddler who was running inside a furniture store. The store owners were understandably surprised by the verdict, considering the running toddler was her own son.

6TH PLACE:Carl Truman, 19, of Los Angeles, California won $74,000 plus medical expenses when his neighbor ran over his hand with a Honda Accord. Truman apparently didn't notice there was someone at the wheel of the carwhen he was trying to steal his neighbor's hubcaps.

Go ahead, grab your head scratcher.

5TH PLACE:Terrence Dickson, of Bristol, Pennsylvania, was leaving a house he had just burglarized by way of the garage. Unfortunately for Dickson, the automatic garage door opener malfunctioned and he could not get the garage door to open. Worse, he couldn't re-enter the house because the door connecting the garage to the house locked when Dickson pulled it shut. Forced to sit for eight, count 'em, EIGHT, days on a case of Pepsi and a large bag of dry dog food, he sued the homeowner's insurance company claiming undue mentalAnguish. Amazingly, the jury said the insurance company must pay Dickson$500,000 for his anguish.

We should all have this kind of anguish. Keep scratching. There are more...

4TH PLACE:Jerry Williams, of Little Rock, Arkansas, garnered 4th Place in the Stella's when he was awarded $14,500 plus medical expenses after being bitten on the butt by his next door neighbor's beagle - even though the beagle was on achain in its owner's fenced yard. Williams did not get as much as he asked for because the jury believed the beagle might have been provoked at the time of the butt bite because Williams had climbed over the fence into the yard and repeatedly shot the dog with a pellet gun.

Grrrrr .. Scratch, scratch.3RD PLACE:

Third place goes to Amber Carson of Lancaster, Pennsylvania because a jury ordered a Philadelphia restaurant to pay her $113,500 after she slipped on a spilled soft drink and broke her tailbone. The reason the soft drink was on the floor: Ms. Carson had thrown it at her boyfriend 30 seconds earlier during an argument.

What ever happened to people being responsible fortheir own actions?Scratch, scratch, scratch. Hang in there; there are only two more Stellas to go...

2ND PLACE:Kara Walton, of Claymont, Delaware sued the owner of a night club in a nearby city because she fell from the bathroom window to the floor, knocking out her two front teeth. Even though Ms. Walton was trying to sneak through the ladies room window to avoid paying the $3.50 cover charge, the jury said the night club had to pay her $12,000....oh, yeah, plus dental expenses.

Go figure.

1ST PLACE: (May I have a fanfare played on 50 kazoos please)This year's runaway First Place Stella Award winner was Mrs. Merv Grazinski, of Oklahoma City, Oklahoma, who purchased a new 32-foot Winnebago motorhome. On her first trip home from an OU football game, having driven onto the freeway, she set the cruise control at 70 mph and calmly left the driver's seat to go to the back of the Winnebago to make herself a sandwich.. Not surprisingly, the motor home left the freeway, crashed and overturned. Also not surprisingly, Mrs.. Grazinski sued Winnebago for not putting in the owner's manual that she couldn't actually leave the driver's seat while the cruise control was set. The Oklahoma jury awarded her, are you sitting down, $1,750,000 PLUS a new motor home. Winnebago actually changed their manuals as a result of this suit, just in case Mrs.. Grazinski has any relatives who might also buy a motor home.

Are we, as a society, getting more stupid...or what?

Is this for real?

FOR WORDLESS WEDNESDAY, SCROLL DOWN


Ok...I heard something on the radio today that I thought was completely insane, but turns out, it has been a very common practice since the 70s -- licking toads!

What?????? Besides being totally grossed out by this, all I could think about was why on earth would you want to put your tongue on a nasty little toad? Apparently, you can get high from licking a certain toad.

What I want to know is, who on earth discovered this????

Wait, there's more....not only can you lick it, but someone actually figured out a way to smoke the venom!!

I swear, people are crazy!!!!

I would post some info that I found on this topic, but I don't want to give any knuckleheads out there any ideas!!!!!

Craziness!!!

Wordless Wednesday

What The Holidays Mean to You

Well apparently, this is what they mean to me....I'd love to hear everyone else's results!

What The Holidays Mean to You

For you, the holidays are about emotional connections and bonds. You are happiest being around those you love. You celebrate the holidays in a offbeat style. You believe the holidays are for doing whatever you feel like - and some of your "traditions" are pretty wacky. During the holidays, you feel magical. You love all of the decorations and how happy people are. You like to sit back and take it all in. You think the holidays should be nostalgic and sweet. The holidays bring out your inner child. Your best holiday memories are of childhood foods and traditions. You secretly still wish you believed in Santa Claus.

What Do the Holidays Mean to You?

Friday Flash 55 - The Christmas Season is upon us!

Three men died and met Saint Peter.
"You must possess something symbolizing Christmas to get into heaven."
The first man held a lighter "It’s a candle"
St. Peter nodded.
The second held keys. "These are bells."
St. Peter nodded.
The third man held a pair of panties.
St. Peter raised his eyebrow
"These are Carol’s.”

Happy Friday!!!! Wanna try a 55? Get more information here.

The Christmas Gift Idea -

A guy who purchased his lovely wife a pocket Taser for their anniversary submitted this.

Last weekend I saw something at Larry's Pistol & Pawn Shop that sparked my interest. The occasion was our 15th anniversary and I was looking for a little something extra for my wife Julie. What I came across was a 100,000-volt, pocket/purse-sized taser. The effects of the taser were supposed to be short lived, with no long-term adverse affect on your assailant, allowing her adequate time to retreat to safety.

WAY TOO COOL!

Long story short, I bought the device and brought it home. I loaded two triple-a batteries in the darn thing and pushed the button. Nothing! I was disappointed. I learned, however, that if I pushed the button AND pressed it against a metal surface at the same time; I'd get the blue arch of electricity darting back and forth between the prongs.??

AWESOME!!!?

Unfortunately, I have yet to explain to Julie what that burn spot is on the face of her microwave! Okay, so I was home alone with this new toy, thinking to myself that it couldn't be all that bad with only two triple-A batteries, right?! !?? There I sat in my recliner, my cat Gracie looking on intently (trusting little soul) while I was reading the directions and thinking that I really needed to try this thing out on a flesh & blood moving target. I must admit I thought about zapping Gracie (for a fraction of a second) and thought better of it. She is such a sweet cat. But, if I was going to give this thing to my wife to protect herself against a mugger, I did want some assurance that it would work as advertised. Am I wrong???

So, there I sat in a pair of shorts and a tank top with my reading glasses perched delicately on the bridge of my nose, directions in one hand, and taser in another. The directions said that a one-second burst would shock and disorient your assailant; a two-second burst was supposed to cause muscle spasms and a major loss of bodily control; a three-second burst would purportedly make your assailant flop on the ground like a fish out of water. Any burst longer than three seconds would be wasting the batteries.? ? All the while I'm looking at this little device measuring about 5" long, less than 3/4 inch in circumference; pretty cute really and (loaded with two itsy, bitsy triple-A batteries) thinking to myself, "no possible way!"?? What happened next is almost beyond description, but I'll do my best...

I'm sitting there alone, Gracie looking on with her head cocked to one side as to say, "don't do it dumbass," reasoning that a one- second burst from such a tiny little ole thing couldn't hurt all that bad. I decided to give myself a one-second burst just for heck of it. I touched the prongs to my naked thigh, pushed the button and... HOLY MOTHER OF GOD, WEAPONS OF MASS DESTRUCTION!!! I'm pretty sure Hulk Hogan ran in through the side door, picked me up in the recliner, then body slammed us both on the carpet, over and over and over again. I vaguely recall waking up on my side in the fetal position, with tears in my eyes, body soaking wet, both nipples on fire, testicles nowhere to be found, with my left arm tucked under my body in the oddest position, and tingling in my legs!

The cat was standing over me making meowing sounds I had never heard before, licking my face, undoubtedly thinking to herself, "Do it again, stupid, do it again!" Note: If you ever feel compelled to "mug" yourself with a taser, one note of caution: there is no such thing as a one-second burst when you zap yourself! You will not let go of that thing until it is dislodged from your hand by a violent thrashing about on the floor. A three-second burst would be considered conservative. SON-OF-A-*%#... That hurt like **% !!! A minute or so later (I can't be sure, as time was a relative thing at that point), I collected my wits (what little I had left), sat up and surveyed the landscape. My bent reading glasses were on the mantel of the fireplace. How did they get up there??? My triceps, right thigh and both nipples were still twitching. My face felt like it had been shot up with Novocain, and my bottom lip weighed 88 lbs. I'm still looking for my testicles! I'm offering a significant reward for their safe return!!

P. S. My wife loved the gift, and now regularly threatens me with it!

Article about Drinking - Beware!

I just read an article on the dangers of heavy drinking....

Scared the sh* t out of me.

So that's it!

After today, no more reading.

Tequila Christmas Cake...now this looks YUMMY

Tequila Christmas Cake
Ingredients:
2 cups flour
1 stick butter
1 cup of water
1 tsp baking soda
1 cup of sugar
1 tsp salt
1 cup of brown sugar
Lemon juice
4 large eggs
Nuts
1 bottle tequila
2 cups of dried fruit

Sample the tequila to check quality. Take a large bowl, check the tequila again. To be sure it is of the highest quality, pour one level cup and drink. Repeat. Turn on the electric mixer. Beat one cup of butter in a large fluffy bowl. Add one teaspoon of sugar. Beat again. At this point it's best to make sure the tequila is still OK. Try another cup... Just in case. Turn off the mixerer thingy. Break 2 eggs and add to the bowl and chuck in the cup of dried fruit.
Pick the frigging fruit up off floor. Mix on the turner. If the fried druit gets stuck in the beaterers just pry it loose with a drewscriver. Sample the tequila to check for tonsisticity. Next, sift two cups of salt. Or something. Check the tequila. Now shift the lemon juice and strain your nuts. Add one table. Add a spoon of sugar, or somefink. Whatever you can find. Greash the oven. Turn the cake tin 360 degrees and try not to fall over. Don't forget to beat off the turner. Finally, throw the bowl through the window. Finish the tequila and wipe counter with the cat.Bingle Jells!

Just a little holiday cheer.....

There's a Nun in Hooters!

A nun, badly needing to use to the restroom, walked into a local Hooters restaurant.
The place was alive with music, loud conversation, and every once in a while the lights would turn off. Each time the lights turned off the place would erupt into thunderous cheers. However, when the revelers saw the nun, the room went dead silent.
The nun walked up to the bartender and asked, "May I please use the restroom?
The bartender replied, "OK, but I should warn you that there is a statue of a naked man in there wearing only a fig leaf! "
"Well, in that case I'll just look the other way" said the nun.
So, the bartender showed the nun to the back of the restaurant, and into the restroom she went.
After a few minutes she came back out and the whole crowd stopped laughing just long enough to give the nun a loud round of applause.
Curious, the nun went to the bartender and said, "Sir, I don't understand. Why did they applaud me just because I went to the restroom?"
"Well, now they know you're one of us," said the bartender, "Would you like a drink?"
"But, I still don't understand?" said the puzzled nun.
"You see," laughed the bartender, "every time the fig leaf on the statue is lifted up, the lights go out. Now, how about that drink?"

Wordless Wednesday (a day early)